Life goes on - doesn't it ?

It's been gloriously sunny and hot today and life is wonderful. Mind you, the heat has reminded me that planet Earth, which we humans call home, is also cooking away nicely by all accounts. It was a relief, therefore, to come across this message from Mother Earth herself as posted in The Daily Mash:

"I'LL BE JUST FINE" SAYS PLANET EARTH
The planet Earth has dismissed claims that it is in danger from global warming, stressing the worst that could happen is the extinction of the human race. The Earth spoke out after a series of books, television programmes and environmental campaigns urged people to do everything in their power to "Save the Planet".

Earth, thought to be aged 4,000,000,000, said last night: "I'll be absolutely fine - seriously! I might get a bit warmer and a bit wetter but to be honest, that actually sounds quite nice. Try living through an ice age - pardon my French but it's absolutely fucking freezing!"

The planet, based 93 million miles from the Sun, said it was "sick and tired" of being drawn into arguments about human behaviour. "Look, I'm just a planet doing its thing, alright ? If you want to live on me that's your business but I've got important planet stuff to do - OK ? Try being in elliptical orbit for five minutes, or balancing your gravitational pull with a medium-sized moon! Let me assure you, it's no fucking picnic."

The planet said that environmental campaigners should change their slogan from "Save the Planet" to "Save Your Sorry Arse". Earth added: "OK, so there may come a time when, for a variety of reasons, I am no longer able to support pandas, polar bears and humans - but you know what ? - life goes on!"

Maybe rebirth as a rock may not be so bad after all.

Rock and Roll

Just lately, I've been having to cope with the various aches, pains and embarrassing noises that older bodies like mine make from time to time and I've come to the conclusion that physical embodiment may not be all it's cracked up to be.

My 95 year old dad is now finally home from the hospital but it seems to me that he has lost interest in living. He's tired and worn out and is currently taking very little nourishment, and he's rejecting the care we've put in to help him stay at home. I'm struggling to find the dignity in this but he is still mentally competent and can make his own choices so there's not much I can do - except watch him die inch-by-inch I guess.

Reflecting on his deteriorating situation and my own condition, I had one of those "a-ha!" moments the other day and decided that I would focus my practice on becoming a rock rather than an enlightened human being. In fact, I am determined to be reborn as a rock next time around.

Any old rock composition will do (I don't really care what I'll look like but hopefully I won't have too many sharp edges). However, as I've been vertically challenged all my life, I do want to be a BIG thin rock (anything with a height of more than six feet would do) in my next life. I know there are drawbacks to this as I won't get to travel much - unless I'm picked up and thrown somewhere other than where I find myself, of course.

But there are advantages too: I won't need to worry about getting a mortgage, going to work every day or paying the council tax. Mind you I am a bit worried about how rocks might reproduce as I could get bored with being a rock on my own and want to move further up the karmic geosphere. Are there male rocks and female rockettes I wonder ?

Anyway, I'm determined to rock and roll on into the future so I'll keep you posted.