The Life and Teachings of 'The Delighted One'

It was Sid's 65th birthday and a party had been arranged in his honour to celebrate his retirement from public office and his royal duties. His wife and son had gone to extraordinary lengths to make this his best birthday bash ever. A mountain of food (roast pork scratchings, cheese and pineapple on sticks, lots of crispy things and sweet delicacies) was laid out before him. He was also presented with a sumptuous three-piece saffron suit and the most popular sitar band in the kingdom entertained him long into the night. What more could he wish for ? Well, quite a bit as it turned out...

You see, Sid was really bored and irritated by it all. He longed for a new challenge: something to test him to the limit, to get rid of that nagging feeling of being pissed off all the time, so he hatched a cunning plan...

In the middle of the night, when his family was fast asleep, he grabbed a toothbrush (and a handful of pork scratchings to eat on the way) and then headed for the forest. For the next six years he sought out teachers and gurus who he hoped would provide insight into the nature of grumpiness but it was all to no avail. So, at the age of 71 he'd had enough of wandering around talking to others and he realised he needed to just sit down and work things out for himself - but this wasn't easy as arthritis was, by now, a constant companion. Nevertheless, he sat there day and night for a very long time.

One night, Mara the tempter entered his consciousness and offered him all manner of pleasures if he would just abandon his quest. As the invention of Viagra was still 2500 years in the future, Sid had no problem rejecting the enticing offers of the nubile nymphs that flashed before him so Mara gave up and went in search of a younger victim with more testosterone.

And then on a full-moon night in May (or Maybe not) Sid experienced a moment of absolute bliss and he didn't give a toss about his former grumpiness: his feeling of being pissed off had itself 'pissed off'! Oh joy, deep joy! From this day forth, Sid would be known as "The Delighted One".

And so it was that for the next 6 years The Delighted One travelled throughout the land talking to all who would listen to him. As the years went by his insights were formulated, wriiten down and eventually became known as "The Four Delightful Truths". They are:

1. Life can make you grumpy



2. The cause of that grumpiness is intolerance



3. There is a way to make you grumpy-less



4. The Delightful Eightfold Path is the way to "Delightenment"

The "Delightful Eightfold Path" outlines the cultivation of the following:

1. Delightful View - see things as they really are. (Don't forget to have regular eye tests and change your glasses if necessary as poor eyesight may create problems).



2. Delightful Thought - try not to be too grumpy and avoid wanting to inflict harm on those who get on your nerves (even if they deserve it).



3. Delightful Speech - refrain from swearing at people who barge in front of you at bus stops, supermarket checkouts or in queues (and be especially kind to those who ingratiate themselves with spiritual teachers).



4. Delightful Action - refrain from hitting people in public with handbags and zimmer frames even though they annoy you.



5. Delightful Livelihood - refrain from going to work if you can.



6. Delightful Effort - strive to be idle: refrain from over-exerting yourself as it could be dangerous and you may need medical attention.



7. Delightful Mindfulness - be as aware as possible at all times. There may be times when this is difficult so do keep a pen and paper handy to record your thoughts as they come and go.



8. Delightful Meditation - focus the mind as much as possible on the possibility of achieving "delightenment" - a serene state of not giving a shit about anything and going with the flow. [A note of warning: going with the flow might be a problem if you are taking diruetics. Also, not giving a shit could cause problems if you have constipation or have an anal-retentive disposition, so do stay mindful.]